escapades of a musical narniac

a prayer for open doors

Sleep evades my wandring eyes
For this thought there is no disguise
As rain pelts on my clear window
I feel my heart being tugged and towed
If I could reach across the sea
I'd pull you right over to me
We'd sit and talk as long as you'd like
With no one to blame and no reason to fight
I would speak the words that He gave me to say
And pray that they wouldn't drive you away
And then the next move would be yours
Run for cover, away to some distant shore
Where waves could wash the thought away
And sand and moon keep them at bay
Or would you take it all to heart
Take every word, pick it apart
Till there was nothing left to do
But surrender to the One who created you
This be my dream, this be my wish
As the moon meets the clouds in a midnight kiss
As I stare at the sky that we both share
And think about you, somewhere out there


God gave me these words one day while I was praying for someone dear to me whom I have never met, but pray that one day I will have the privilege of meeting in Heaven. May you come to know the Hope I know someday. (:


Stay legit.

<3

Well, here it is! You can read it at this link: http://www.narniaweb.com/reviews/?id=206

I'm afraid that I rambled a bit about some things (particuarily Skandar as Edmund, haha) but hey, what can I say? I defend what I love. HENCE... review!

I started that "photo to describe your day" thing on Facebook today, except I'm aiming to do a photo every day for two years instead of one. Pretty ambitious, but we'll have to see!

My new fascination is making avatars for websites. You know, the little icons next to people's usernames that represent them? Yeah, those. Comment or slide me a message and let me know if you'd like me to post them on here for your visual and possibly using enjoyment! I don't do copyrights or anything, just as long as you point people my way if they ask where your avvie came from. Right now they're all pretty much Edmund themed (surprise, surprise), but I'm planning on doing more photographic ones soon. Er, not that Ed isn't photographic... just more things like sunsets and flowers and pretty stuff. Uhm, not that Ed isn't pretty... oi. I should probably just stop right here.

Speaking of photographic, I spent a good part of today trying to find a picture for the back of an album I'm working on. Do you have any clue how much of a shortage there is on Google Images for pics of glass hearts?! Well. Now I do. It seems as if I'm going to have to take one myself, which I didn't want to have to do. Lazy, lazy, lazy.

Though I didn't play piano today (sadness!!), I have managed to lose my lyric book, which devastates me just a little bit. I'm an eternal optimist, so I'm sure that it will turn up, since I know I haven't taken it out of the house, but I'm still missing it. It's my second one (my first is all filled up) so it has my most recent work in it. Fiddlesticks. I shall conduct a thorough search tomorrow, or otherwise send out an Amber Alert.

Shocker of all shockers, my mom has decided that she wants to get my younger sister, Hannah, a cat. Which is shocking only because she doesn't particuarily like cats. I spent another good part of today with Hannah on the computer researching different breeds so that we know what we're looking for. I learned about the breeds Ragdoll, Norwegian Forest, and American Curl. The breed name Ragdoll doesn't exactly appeal to me, but they're adoreable and super friendly. I personally think that the Norwegian Forest Cat sounds pretty kick-butt, but Hannah seems to see it as more cuddly than ninja. And I also think that the American Curl looks like a mouse, and told her that if she gets one of those she should name it Reepicheep, but that didn't seem to be a very popular vote. I suppose I'm too much of a Narniac for my own good! She did, however, decide that she wants a girl, and that it will be named Ariel, which I agreed with since it means "God's lioness". That's a pretty honorable name meaning for a cat! (One of the things we both agreed on when it came to names was that having a small house cat named Aslan would be a pretty huge offense to the True King of Narnia. That's just about the only thing we agreed on, come to think of it, haha.)

I also learned that cat is "gatto" in Italian. No idea why. I just did. I'm going to learn Italian next year, for my last year of school. It's surreal to think that in a few months time, I'll be doing senior pictures and getting my class ring. I can't wait to graduate. I have no plans for university, though my dream since I was little would be to go abroad to Cambridge. There was a girl at my old church in Pennsylvania that studied there, and I told my mom that I wanted to go there too, cause I thought it was awesome that she got to furter her education outside of the country. Nowadays, I highly doubt that that will happen, so I think I'll start somewhere local and let my dreams shrink to reality-size a bit. Plus, I have no idea what I'm going to study...

Seems as though I have a lot to mull over, eh?


Stay legit.


<3

It's a school thing. School should perish.





So... 2011 is upon us. It's weird. I keep thinking ahead, like this year is gonna fly by like last year did. I'm doing alright with my first ever resolution, which I'm proud of myself for, a feat that doesn't happen often. Piano's going great too; I taught myself how to play Miracle by Paramore the other day. Yay!





I think I'm going to attempt the video thing again. (I know, I know, I've been saying that for a year, but I'm reeeally gonna try my hardest, honest!)





I did something last week, haha. My pop visited from Pennsylvania, and he took my younger sister and I out shopping. And... well...





I bought myself a shiny silver torch for $13.95 at Target. It's amazing. And bright. And takes these massive batteries that are wayyyy too fun to juggle. I wouldn't recommend shining it in your own eyes. I walked around with these spots in a circle bursting in front of my eyes for about two hours. Not the smartest thing I've ever done... Edmund makes it look easy.





On a sadder note, I am now in trouble with the law. Yep, you read that right. I accidentally kept my library books out longer than I was supposed to, and now have a fine of approximately one dollar and ten cents to pay up next time I go to the library. Wow. They must think I'm completely off my rock for keeping the Prince Caspian Movie Storybook and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe Illustrated Movie Companion four days later than I should.




The things I do for Narnia.


Stay legit.


<3

Three simple words have hit me this day:

Life
is
hard.

You can form your own opinions, but I think I'll stick with mine for now. Not that they are rock solid, but there are some things I will not tolerate.

I don't believe that she's in Hell, so never make the mistake of telling me that's what you think. I don't believe that God took her, so that would be a double punch to the gut if I heard that either. I don't believe that things are ever that bad, but I also believe in a Devil that never sleeps. He's wreaked havoc this year, and now, between Christmas and New Years, a 16-year-old's eyes closed, never to see 2011.

And it hurts. More than I imagined it would. Not that I imagined that I would ever hear this, but everyone wonders what it would be like if they knew someone who did this or that. I just never thought that I ever would. It's as if I have this invisible list of things that I never thought I'd have to face in my life, and, in 17 years and seven days, I have experienced almost every one of them. I won't lie. It's terrifying. Satan has never been more real to me than he is now.

Yet still, God has never been more real to me either. I see Him moving even now, still directing and guiding all of our broken spirits. Tomorrow night is going to be interesting, in a sense. I do hope that everyone pulls together, and no one tries to break anyone else apart. That, to me, would be the biggest insult. The loudest smack in the face to her family. Her friends. Anyone who loved her. God. Her memory. Her.

I don't know why. But I don't need to. What matters to me is the fact that she did do it at all, and that we have to stick together in order to get through this. What matters is not that we are all in pain, but what we do with that pain. Now is not the time to point the finger. Now is not the time to feel guilty. Now is not the time to ask what we could have done to stop her. Now is not the time to make this about us and our own individual, selfish ache. Now is the time to remember. Now is the time to reflect. Now is the time to never forget the love that a beautiful soul showed us in such a cruelly short period of time.

Needless to say, tomorrow will be a very emotionally draining day. It's times like these where I always step back and thank God for my family who have supported me through the pain I was completely broadsided with when I woke up this morning, and my very life, which I take for granted all too much.

Who would've thought forever could be severed by, the sharp knife, of a short life?

Rest in peace, MJL. You will be missed dearly.


<3

Well, yesterday I became 17. I'm getting old. It's scary.

But on the plus side, it was a fantastic day. On top of my family gifting me with the Lifehouse album that I wanted (!!!), I finally got them to go with me to see Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and, believe it or not, it got the older-sibling-and-mother seal of approval! It made my heart glow in all the colors of the rainbow, I won't lie. I think the best part was that there was this group of boys in the cinema with us who were seriously hardcore Narnia fans. It was epic. They were cheering and clapping and bowing and standing up out of their seats at all the right times. Twas so epic, in fact, that my little sister and I joined in. By the time Edmund stabs the sea serpent at the end of the film, we had the whole theater cheering and clapping. It was quite the birthday experience, I won't lie.

I played the piano for a while for the first time in two weeks yesterday, as well. Turns out that my memory runs further than I thought it would.. I was able to still recall every song that I know, which is pretty impressive, and a huge relief. I won't be spending that much time away again!

Alright, so I'm too lazy to make a widget for current playlists on iTunes that you should check out (if ye dare!), so I'll just put it in this post.

1. Pick Up The Phone - The Notwist
2. Brand New Colony - The Postal Service
3. On Peak Hill - Stars
4. Wild Horses - The Sundays
5. One With The Freaks - The Notwist
6. Skinny Boy - Amy Millan
7. Honey And The Moon - Joseph Arthur
8. Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine
9. Blue Smile - Oren Lavie
10. Vapour Trail - Ride
11. To Be Alone With You - Sufjan Stevens
12. Florida Rain - Matt Bauer
13. Don't Let Your Hair Grow Too Long - Oren Lavie
14. So Long, Lonesome - Explosions In The Sky
15. The Calendar Girl - Stars

In other album-related news, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus' "The Hell Or High Water" is pretty tight. I think we both know what that means. Time to go give it a listen!

Stay legit.


<3

I didn't think that I'd say this, but.. I miss my used-to-be best friend. Like CRAZY. It's weird. Every time I think of him, it's like there's this gnawing in my stomach. He's gonna be 17 next month, and, reading a line addressing this on his sister's blog, it made me realize how fast we're getting older, and how distant we're growing apart. It hurts. Bad. And I'm a cry baby, so I cried. A lot.

I think that writing a song about this might suffice for now, but later? Who knows where the wind will carry my ever-present mixed emotions. I'd send him a message, or slide him a note, but I have no idea what I'd say. How are you? How's life? How's, well, everything? All of these things seem like questions I'd ask him before, but not now. I feel like I've lost the right to ask such friendly questions. I feel like I wasn't the friend I always promised I would be. I feel like now, our closeness is a thing of the past.

We used to be much more muchier.

We've lost our muchness.

...

*sound of weeping*


<3