escapades of a musical narniac

Three simple words have hit me this day:

Life
is
hard.

You can form your own opinions, but I think I'll stick with mine for now. Not that they are rock solid, but there are some things I will not tolerate.

I don't believe that she's in Hell, so never make the mistake of telling me that's what you think. I don't believe that God took her, so that would be a double punch to the gut if I heard that either. I don't believe that things are ever that bad, but I also believe in a Devil that never sleeps. He's wreaked havoc this year, and now, between Christmas and New Years, a 16-year-old's eyes closed, never to see 2011.

And it hurts. More than I imagined it would. Not that I imagined that I would ever hear this, but everyone wonders what it would be like if they knew someone who did this or that. I just never thought that I ever would. It's as if I have this invisible list of things that I never thought I'd have to face in my life, and, in 17 years and seven days, I have experienced almost every one of them. I won't lie. It's terrifying. Satan has never been more real to me than he is now.

Yet still, God has never been more real to me either. I see Him moving even now, still directing and guiding all of our broken spirits. Tomorrow night is going to be interesting, in a sense. I do hope that everyone pulls together, and no one tries to break anyone else apart. That, to me, would be the biggest insult. The loudest smack in the face to her family. Her friends. Anyone who loved her. God. Her memory. Her.

I don't know why. But I don't need to. What matters to me is the fact that she did do it at all, and that we have to stick together in order to get through this. What matters is not that we are all in pain, but what we do with that pain. Now is not the time to point the finger. Now is not the time to feel guilty. Now is not the time to ask what we could have done to stop her. Now is not the time to make this about us and our own individual, selfish ache. Now is the time to remember. Now is the time to reflect. Now is the time to never forget the love that a beautiful soul showed us in such a cruelly short period of time.

Needless to say, tomorrow will be a very emotionally draining day. It's times like these where I always step back and thank God for my family who have supported me through the pain I was completely broadsided with when I woke up this morning, and my very life, which I take for granted all too much.

Who would've thought forever could be severed by, the sharp knife, of a short life?

Rest in peace, MJL. You will be missed dearly.


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